Marriage is likened to flies on a screen door.
Those on the outside want to get in
and those on the inside want to get out.
Like most newly weds we hoped our marriage would last, and so far it has. I was not too sure that I could make this marriage work as I was afraid. But it was my faith in God that helped me to keep my promise. It’s been my experience to go through the blissful state at first of course, and then the trials came to test my faith. So in my opinion it seems being and staying married can be one of life’s greatest tests because it’s never easy.
I’ll share a story: A disturbed woman called me to ask if I’d join her for lunch that day but first I wanted to know how did she get my phone number. She said she got it from the contact list my friends passed around because I remember how we met casually. Well I had to decline lunch for the moment because I was kinda busy but we did agree to have dinner at my house around seven that evening.
At first our friendship seemed pleasant, nice and it moved along well but later on I noticed abrupt changes in her personality, mood and in her conversation which made me began to inquire a little bit more about her with several of my friends who knew her before I did. One friend told me that she was kind of odd and so did all the others. I responded each time by saying she seems to be more then just odd, the woman is a bit crazy! And I requested my phone number be removed from the contact list since everyone I was friends with already knew my phone number anyway. I did not want it to fall into the wrong hands again. Well to make a long story short I stopped taking her calls until she got the hint that I was not interested in the friendship any longer.
Well marriage can be almost like this story. It can start off pretty nice at first especially because the pair is being extra cordial and kind to each other to win each other. Then six months down the road as the pair becomes relaxed and comfortable to the point that all guards go down so that eventually all quirks or odd ball ways are revealed. So you want to know just how deep seated and serious the quirkiness or odd ball ways are and where it stems from and why it exits to be sure about whether it’s just some minor personality differences that can be lived with or if it’s way too serious to even consider accepting. Those little differences can wind up later on creating full blown problems which can make it a deal breaker, end of story.
One thing about living with another person for a while is guards tend to go down as the pair starts to open up a bit more with each other as true identities shine forth. All that emotional baggage starts getting unpacked you know. LOL!. So nine times out of ten issues spill out all over and into the marriage relationship, good or bad, and at that point one gets to decide their willingness to accept the differences while ensuring that lines are not crossed nor does anyone feel disrespected by them.
I guess it’s smart to say that nobody’s perfect and everyone carries with them their strengths and weakness, ups and downs, personality differences, issues from childhood or whatever else. Society tells us that it’s important to go for premarital counseling so there are no serious surprises later on, but even with that, sometimes certain things won’t show up until much later in the marriage and some new issues can evolve naturally over time.
In my opinion I think the reason why some marriages fail is because people want instant gratification in their relationships and it doesn’t work like that at all. Marriage and hard work go hand and hand just to create a basic good marriage. So having a little patience and consideration for each other goes a long way. And another reason why is because in the American culture people have been fooled into believing life’s all about being happy. But the truth is that joy, love, happiness and good companionship go hand in hand with suffering. There is going to be some pain, unpleasantness, uneasiness, inconvenience, mental distress or hardships along the way too. So yep it’s all in there. It’s a package deal baby. And the million dollar question is- Will you bounce at the first sign of suffering or will you allow fortitude in to save your marriage and develop your personality?
I was fortunate enough to have been advised early on that suffering is a part of relationships. We have to take the good with the bad. That’s how marriage gets it balance. If there’s only suffering in a marriage that’s a signal it’s time to find a way to bring in some more happiness. And if there is only happiness in a marriage then something could be wrong still. LOL! But for me I would ride that wave of happiness for however long it will last. LOL! Because suffering is somewhere hiding or around the corner, you can be sure of that.
Now to want and expect it to be all happiness all the time is a distortion and a figment of the imagination. And I’ll go as far as to say some people are poor at suffering and so prefer to move on rather then let it build their character and make the marriage stronger when coming out of the end of it. So suffering with a little bit of adversity can be good.
As my husband and I have been married for many years and it is my hope that we will stay married and love each other as we keep working at it one day at a time. Then perhaps we will be one of the lucky ones who eventually winds up looking up to see that we’ve grown old and were still together.
Have a great day all!