The Hostess With The Mostest~The Story Of A Funeral Hoppers Club~

English: A display showing arrangement and dec...

English: A display showing arrangement and decoration for a Roman Catholic funeral. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I tell you “they” are the main cause for why I never go to funerals at all! I hate funerals with a passion! Hell, I know everyone is going to die one day. But damn. Going around funerals every week just because you can is no fun nor a cause for excitement for me.

Who in their right mind wants to go hang around a bunch of morose, sad, crying, depressed, and mourning folks while they stand over someone’s coffin and “they” like to do this on the regular. I know I cannot do this unless its my job! Honestly.

Plus when it comes to some folks, funeral time is big drama time! Them folks get to acting up, physically fighting each other and whatnot. I mean throwing blows at each other. Talking about how mama, papa, or whoever left me this and that, they left me their house, their jewels, their boat, their bank account, and left you nothing! LOL! I tell you I never been to a funeral where there wasn’t at least some sort of police escort. I think the police are really there to break up some of those fights and to keep them folks from killing one another.

I’ve attended at least three funerals in my lifetime and the person who died was very close to me, and either a relative or a very good friend. Yeah, so I actually had to know the person in order for me to go. Because there were times when I could not bring myself to go even to some loved one’s funeral because I’d rather keep the thoughts of that person of when they were alive forever and always in my mind and heart instead of searing in my head the vision of a particular person lying dead in a casket.

I’ve lost count at how many times my neighbor has said to me… excuse me but I don’t have the time today, because I’m busy getting ready to go to a funeral. And she says this every week. Seriously! Or she says it so often that it makes it appear that she attends one every week and that she’s going to some kind of a grand Queen’s ball or extravagant function or something of the kind. Then she will have the nerve to ask us to drive her to the person’s funeral and never offer to pay us for gas, but I am not that petty but every week! It is starting to get old you know. Well to tell the truth we actually dropped her off a couple of times to a couple of funerals and told her we cannot hang around and so we let her get her own ride back home on her own. I don’t even like doing that but I guess I feel like I must return the favor for the times whenever she helps me out too you know.

I have a lot of sisters and it is only the two of them out of the bunch and an old girlfriend of mine, who by the way were all young women and, my mother in law and this neighbor of mine who it seems always got to get their hair and nails all done up and looked forward to wearing their best black dress and hat to these things. It seems like they even liven up and their eyes turn bright and light up with the excitement of the idea of attending the very next funeral. They act like they are going to a major picnic or something like that. It’s like the event of the year for them to shine! But for them, this is a weekly thing. It’s funny because that may be why I never could seem to get along with them as well as I’d like to. You know, actually, we couldn’t seem to bond well. LOL! I don’t care much about chasing down funerals, socializing and gathering information on the deceased. It seems “they” are almost worst then being nerdy about this. So yeah, this is a real drag!

To this very day I could never understand how they seemed to get all excited about the next funeral they plan to attend and they gossip about whether:

1. …the food was good or not

2. …who cried and who didn’t

3. ..who fought with whom

4. …whose names were written in the obituary and who was left out

5. …was there a will and who got what

6. …how nice the person was laid out and what kind of clothing the deceased wore, was their hair combed or was their hair wild-looking

7. …and last but not least how great looking was the casket. Was it thickly cushion and shined or if there was no casket and they were creamated… and so on and so forth.

Oh dear Lord spare me!!! LOL!

And believe it or not but “they” all seem to have their own collection of obituaries. Why my own mother in law alone, had a dresser drawer filled with nothing but obituaries, I kid you not, of one hundred or more people. Seriously. LOL! Now whether she knew them all or not doesn’t seem to have mattered much. She was I guess you can say the hostess with the mostess! LOL!

So my question is who does this? Seriously! A dressor draw filled with obituaries! What kind of people have we become in this modern society? And whatever happened to being genuine over the loss of a soul from amongst us? Is it all game? Now don’t get me wrong I sympathize with the families of a deceased loved one. And I do give my condolences when appropriate. But I am just not the one who funeral hops.

I tell you I prefer spending my most of my free time doing things that make me smile and going and being seen at a fun and happy gathering, or to a really lively party or fun-filled casino is how I roll! Whatever happened to going where the happy people go? Or with all alive people, in general, being real on the regular.

I have to tell you that you’ll will never find me getting all dressed up, eating, and socializing over some dead person’s coffin every week. And when I die I wouldn’t mind if the only people who showed were the people who really mattered in my life and I really meant something to them. Anyway, let me leave you with this. That man the “CHRIST” said it all in a nutshell. Let the dead bury their dead!

As for me, I’ll keep on preferring to go where the alive happy people go. Because I appreciate that I am alive, kicking, and still happy baby!



TAIO CRUZ -Dynamite – 


The Trammps – That’s Where The Happy People Go (1976)


The Black Eyed Peas-Pump It –


The Trammps – Disco Inferno ( Live @ The Midnight Special 1976 ) with Wolfman Jack



I like to call my self a happy soul, a daydreamer and have a heart of a gypsy. Love to use my imagination. And trying out new things. Life can be so wonderful and enjoyable when I am being positive and releasing.
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