I had a job one summer when I took care of this elderly woman named Elizabeth as a young girl. Her daughter Ms. Branson was an older woman and I remember how she used to complain about everything in her life. I mean it was obvious Ms. Branson was not a happy camper at all. But I remember how she used to talk with a very high pitch and complain about her children, her love life, her job, her apartment, other people, and various situations and how she was stuck with caring for her mother with no support from anyone else. At one point I really did feel sorry for her so I would take whatever salary she could afford to pay me. My mother told me it was very good of me to do that. But what remains with me is how annoyed I used to feel while listening to her as she would go on and on with her complaints and so she would hem and haw each time I saw her. She seemed to be unhappy with just about everything and everyone. Just being around her was very draining and I actually felt physically exhausted upon leaving her presence.
So thinking about this lately had me asking myself some questions. Could I go an entire week without complaining? And What if I went an entire week without complaining would anything be any different? I am not a huge whiner or complainer type anyway but I do have my moments just like anyone else at times. So I began to think well what if I caught myself before I complained and just stopped doing it. So I did this experiment on myself for the past few days and tried hard to not complain as much and even if I found something serious enough and substantial to complain about, believe you me I wanted desperately to do so, but I chose not to. Now today is Friday, so I can happily say I made it through the day without complaining. LOL! Hooray for me! And I say hooray for the victims of my complaints. LOL! They know who they are! LOL! But I know there were moments when I wanted to do it but I became aware of my feelings, caught myself and stopped myself immediately.
I must admit that since the very beginning of my journey of prayer, meditation and releasing these positive actions has helped to make me become more and more aware of my feelings and emotions and helps me see more clearly what are my weaknesses and strengths. I know there are some things about me that I want to change like yesterday, immediately and straight away and yet some I need to work on with the help of God, patience and daily implementation. I am sure that just about everyone knows how hard it is to change a long lived habit/behavior and knows where I’m coming from. It’s not so easy.
I am learning one thing important about complaining in that COMPLAINING DEPLETES AND DELETES ENERY. There is not one good thing I can find about complaining. I believe its part of a victim mentality and I am so guilty of having this victim mentality running amuck in my past. Complaining is a poor attempt at trying to change things. The truth about complaining is that we cannot change the world or make people behave as we want just through complaining. Because people are going to be who they are “imperfect” and all. But unless a person wants and desires to change, basically you cannot do much to change them.
So since I am living in an imperfect world with imperfect people including myself what can I do so that I can better cope with life and the huge stream of life situations that tend to come my way? I know one step in the right direction is learning to accept people as they are. God does that all the time and so who are we that we want anything different then that. I know what causes it though it’s the ego. The ego wants what it wants and that is to control others and situations without controlling the self first. I think the best thing I could do for myself and for others is to become an inspiration for change. So in order to be an inspiration for change I have to become the change I want to see in others.
Learning to stop being critical is important because being critical of others only deepens another persons soul wounds. Showing compassion is the way to go and learning techniques on how to gently correct, guide or advise instead works best along with empowering others. People tend to do better, become better when we help them work toward healing themselves in the right way.
Saying things like “I don’t get mad, I get even” is common for some. Well that could’a been me or you at one time or yet still today! Are you feelin me here! It’s like being in a real life “All My Children” soap opera (oh how I used to love Erica Kane, LOL!)
Thriving to show forth the ugliness of getting even with some GET BACK! PAYBACK! REVENGE!!!!
I like to call it having the spirit of the “James Brown Anthem of the Revenging Kind” LOL! Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjX9vFW_Ak0
or just being a part of a “You stole my baby mama drama”. http://joannawillis.wordpress.com/2010/06/19/tips-to-avoid-baby-mama-drama/
So a lot of times in my past I found myself to be so angry and I would complain like crazy about a situation or a individual and in some cases I would stoop as low as even wanting to get revenge if they did something to hurt me in any way. Scripture says God says “vengeance is mine I will repay”. Now I know why God says this to us because He wants us to know that revenge is not good for the human race at all. Wanting revenge is really just being a hateful human being. Hatred is a very deep emotion that we should not allow to consume us or grow and fester in our souls or even try to feel against anyone, because with hatred inside we will start to behave in unseemly, shameful ways and not be so nice.
So what can start out as a irritation, hurt or slight because of some interaction or altercation with someone pushes us to say to ourselves that “they” hurt me, betrayed me, did me wrong, or said something hurtful and so now I have permission to be angry, feel hurt and/or get back at them. It’s basically learning to give myself permission to hate another human being. Hatred opens the door for unhealthy, unhelpful and negative emotions for instance; it’s cousin anger which I am learning is not strength at all but yet a very deep weakness and is like a cancer to the soul. I am finding that anger is about being in the state of temporary insanity. Just look at what anger produces; it produces out of control behavior most times. I remember my mother always used to say “two wrongs don’t make a right”. You just cannot help correct something if you are doing something wrong too. Not only that all these negative emotions help bring on physical illnesses in the body and mental illness too. A lot of people wonder why they are sick with so many physical illnesses and are not aware that harboring these negative emotions and behaviors can help bring about all kinds of illnesses along with wrong diet.
So while anger hurts but being assertive (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assertiveness)
is totally different.
Hatred hurts but being loving (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/loving)
is totally different.
Complaining hurts but showing forth compassion
and empowerment https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empowerment
is totally different. And so learning to choose one over the other is so very amazing.
But I believe we can all turn our lives around. So my goal is to become better in everyway and to grow in spirituality and in my relationship with God above. I am sure that as I continue to increase my energy with all that is good I will get better in time. I can see an increase of wealth in my life and when I say wealth I am not just talking about money, (I could appreciate financial increase too, LOL) but increased wealth can be about having better relationships, improved physical health, good mental health, greater inner peace, greater love for myself and others. So I think I’ll continue this experiment and will go yet another week again without complaining and replace it with compassion, kindness, understanding and empowerment.
How I intend to accomplish this is….
1. When I feel the need to complain I won’t. I will stop it immediately.
2. Instead I will actively look for a reason to compliment, praise and approve of others.
3. I will offer acceptance in allowing individuals to be who they are, whatever their behavior be it negative or positive in my eyes and instead show forth compassion and understanding.
4. Stay in self control mode and offer gentle correction if needed.
Have a blessed and wonderful day everyone.
If you read this and liked it you can kindly check out this wonderful blog here too:
Here’s one of my favorite singers~Tramaine Hawkins~ Sings “A Change Has Come Over Me” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Kymk9f2TNQ