I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by a great many of smart and wise women in my life and one of them told me that I ought to always assume that people are crazy until they prove themselves otherwise.
Now that sounds really bold doesn’t it?
But that very sentence has become one of the most valuable important pieces of information imparted to me in my entire life. So I have learned to live by it too.
Because in the past I’d always meet new people and make new friends thinking the best of them especially if they presented themselves in a nice and courteous way. I’d always assume they were sane, cool and were good nice people. Then later become shocked or hurt when they turned out to be the total opposite of who I thought they were.
When they would show forth some behavior I felt was really weird or they just acted plain stupid, idiotic or acted like a real knucklehead or displayed some form of bad behavior towards me and it would come as a total shock and surprise to me.
Now could you imagine going thru life in that way (thinking the best of everyone you meet) why you’d be emotionally depleted and drained after a few bouts of dealing with the kind of craziness that are in some people. So thank goodness I turned it all around in time to keep my own sanity in tact, because the wrong type of people in your life will drive you to drink or either crazy one. I’d rather let them be who they are or the crazy person they want to be and save and deliver myself from their idiotic craziness.
So now when I meet a new person or make a possible new friend, it’s my policy to always give space and room to the relationship so that the potential friend or person feels free to present the “real” them over time.
Does anyone remember that American game show “To Tell The Truth” where the host would say at the end of the show? Will the real “blankity blank” person please stand up? In the beginning of the show three contestants would stand up and claim to be the same person and a celebrity panel would question all three contestants trying to figure out who was telling the truth and it was the highlight of the show to be able to pick out which one out of the three was the true person they were claiming to be.
Well experience has taught me that you never truly know what rock a person has crawled out from under, so it would be wise and in your best interest that you move forward in relationships with some degree of caution so that you are protected and safe just in case.
There are some people who can’t hide that they may be slightly crazy or difficult from day one so that sort of shortens the span of dealing with some. Also you have your haters who you definitely do not want in your life period. And I mean not period! So there would be no problem with moving on and cutting them a loose. LOL. But I find that most people like to put their best behavior forward in the beginning to win your confidence and it is expected right.
One thing that a lot of people are naïve about and tend to overlook are important tell- tale signs, for instance by overlooking “Red Flags” you wind up missing vital help in understanding the motives and personalities of certain individuals. Because the truth is that there are always “Red Flags” that are warning signals that this person may not be your cup of tea and a wise person pays close attention to them.
The red flags could tell you a great deal about a person. So I always watch for those little red flags and file them away for later reference LOL!
For instance: if your new friend or neighbor stops by, rings your bell and when there is no answer instead of going away like a normal person would do, he/she decides to walk around to your backyard, peeking in windows and proceed to bang on your bedroom window where they know you are obviously asleep or to a room window where you are busy and so you would think they should realize that your choosing not to answer the door bell at that moment. So…. NOW THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS A BIG OLE RED FLAG. (or as Eddie Murphy jokingly says NOW THAT’S A FIRE! HA HA HA….
Then later on down the road of this so called relationship when the same friend/neighbor starts showing you attitude and acts out with you in a nasty undeserving way towards you, well remember you already had the red flag waving way back from the beginning of the relationship on that day when they banged down your window when you didn’t answer your door bell because you were kind of busy painting your fingernails or asleep or just plain did not feel like entertaining for whatever reason, so why should you be in the slightest bit surprised when the fool has started acting out in even more serious harmful ways.
So it may not work out to be a situation to that extreme but you get my drift…. and you have to by now know what I mean. That’s why boundaries have to be set up with most people and when you allow them to be crossed, the crossing can make it a deal breaker as far as the relationship is concerned. Because if you allow your boundaries to be crossed over again and again without a word or confrontation to deal with this you can only expect more of the same types of behavior from that same individual and maybe even much worse behavior then what has already been displayed.
So as time goes on the real person is revealed more and more. It’s sometimes the first red flag that makes me decide that this something will make or break the relationship and determines whether I want to deal with that individual or not. It’s then too when I decide whether I want to invest any more of my precious time in this relationship or cut my losses and let the person go and I move on. So the same can apply to “crazy” dysfunctional family members and believe me everyone has at least one, your blessed and fortunate if you don’t.
I must say that I am truly grateful for the amount of wisdom imparted in me and gained along the way from so many wonderful women and men that God has blessed me to have in my life for and allowing them to pour into my life, so I don’t have to go thru life suffering and in a miserable state and mind frame over the wrong type of person.
I recently ordered a book called Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World by Dr. Phil. His book was initially introduced last year sometime and so I am just now getting a chance to read it and check it out.
Did anyone else here read this book? Well I find this book is a really good read and very helpful in making people aware in showing how to navigate thru life and in dealing with the negative wrong types of personalities/people who have the tendency to worm their way into your life, most of who do not have your best interest at heart at all.
In this book he covers topics like “Bad Guys” and how to spot and defeat them. He calls “Bad Guys” the “Baiters” and he explains how they lead dysfunctional lives and take advantage of the rest of us in the world. He shows you how these “Baiters/Bad Guys” worm their way into your life by gaining your confidence so they get information about you and then ultimately betray you. He defines BAITERS as an acronym:
B-Backstabbers, A-Abusers, I-Imposters, T-Takers, E-Exploiters, R-Reckless People
He says you don’t have to be paranoid about them, but to pay attention and be watchful because these kinds of people are out there and he helps to guide you in how to stop being a target to these kinds of people. He also shows and helps you define what kind of life you want to live and commit to it.
So here if you like further information please feel free to check out this link below where Dr. Phil is being interviewed by Katie Couric and so I found a interesting informative link to an article at word press about this very topic. Also see the link on how to cut toxic people from your life.
So as you can see I am a Dr. Phil fan and love watching his shows every once in a while. His shows are so full of information to put into your life arsenal. I know I have a full arsenal of information from him that is a great help and absolutely amazing book to read.
So I am sending love and peace to every one of you! Peace Out!