I know first hand about the feelings and the pain associated with wanting to be liked and loved in relationship with my spouse and with other people and it is very real, frightening, heart breaking and such a sad need and desire that could be habit forming. As a matter of fact it is a formed habit. It’s something we all get from our past. But thank goodness for truth.
I like keeping it real most of the time and so the truth of the matter is we are all kicking, screaming, fighting, hating, disliking, operating out of fear, distrust, hurt and rejecting and are being rejected. We are doing a lot of this because we want to be loved. People can be really screwed up and mentally discombobulated. Doing some of the craziest and self harming things that they don’t even understand why they are doing it themselves. It is our wish that we fit in somewhere on this planet. We want others to like us and we want to like others.
The truth is that it is the most unloving thing to want someone else to love you, like you, approve of you and then to beat yourself up about it. Beating yourself up is one of the worst things an individual could ever do to themselves. Wanting love from others is such a huge waste of valuable life time and space. Really it is, I have found it out for myself and so unless you are a glutton for punishment this is a lifestyle you want to give up. I am not saying to grow cold or unloving but doing it this way is not helpful at all.
Wanting to be loved is almost like we are living in a permanent place of negativity. It’s like being in a bottomless pit of an existence. It’s like falling into quicksand that constantly sucks you in and the more you fight, it brings you down and eventually over takes your whole body and can destroy a person. We can all make the mistake of looking for love, approval, affection, attention and to be affirmed in the faces of many.
I had a thought of perhaps buying some electronic monkeys that affirm me every moment of the day. I could even pay someone out of my pocket book to affirm me every day, just to call me and tell me all the wonderful things about myself. But the truth is if you are not doing the inner work on yourself that you really need they can tell you all the wonderful things about yourself all day long, year in and year out, but it will be a useless waste of time after a while if your not doing your own inner work.
When we are at a place where we are looking for love and approval from every other person in the world, we can become so sick, withdrawn, and miserable and suffer a great deal in our spirit, body and souls a whole lot. It becomes like an icky sticky gooey mess. People are not stupid at all and can pick up the vibes we send out. If we send out desperation, fear, neediness and a victim like attitude they can pick it up and play on it. You can draw to yourself vultures of various kinds. We can even start becoming nasty, hateful and less of the person we can be, people do not want to be around that type of person at all unless they are a glutton for punishment.
Since us as humans are easy to form negative habits of this kind and so we are in the habit of looking for, chasing down and trying to get some love for ourselves. Some of us can go to any length to get that love. You would be surprised at what people would do for love. Some of us just don’t want to be alone, it’s too scary and it doesn’t feel good at all. And those of us who are alone get into the habit of telling ourselves that it’s better this way, it’s better to be alone then to be with someone who they perceive is not treating them the way they want to be treated or is not the person they feel they should have in their lives. One thing I have found to be true is that we could have the best of both worlds if we could only make some vital changes in our way of coping with life and within our own thoughts, beliefs and ways of thinking.
It all has to do with what we have been taught and how we learned how to be. Negative habits stick out like a sore thumb. Being in this place of wanting and desiring is really and truly the opposite of love and is not a nice place to be.
But on the other hand the truth is that neither you nor I have to go anywhere else to find love, because it’s right there inside of each one of us.
I have stopped looking for love from my spouse, child, friends and relatives. That does not mean I don’t regress every now and again because it had become a lifetime habit of mine. My journey now and road to recovery is to let people be who they are no matter how wonderful or nasty they are. I release on everything and everyone! And I mean everything, it has become such a wonderful way for me to achieve and maintain a certain level of happiness no matter what happens in my life and no matter what comes my way. And the only reason I do it is because it works. My life has been saved from a many days of feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in misery.
Right there!! Right there smack dab inside of you is an atomic bomb!!! LOVE! Yes really it is. You are sitting on “Gold, Silver and Precious Jewels” they are all inside of you. We all have so much “LOVE” inside of ourselves that you may find it hard to believe right now. But it’s all in there.
Only if we could just learn how to let go of all of our non love feelings, let go of the feelings of hurt, fear and distrust that we create and have come to let grow and develop against ourselves and others. It’s time to stop listening to our negative minds and thoughts and letting our negative feelings rule us, won’t you choose to agree.