Repost: Learning To Love (Written on July 1, 2012)

When I think about the trouble that surrounds me at times it sends chills up my spine. I even feel like there are people in my life who can be cold hearted, mean spirited and so violent which just their thoughts alone, not to mention the impossible behaviors and desires towards me that I feel if they could they would chew me up, spit me out, picking their teeth clean after wards with out a second thought, and that’s only if they could. Human beings can be so wonderful and at the same time can be so cruel to each other. It’s really frightening.  Whether it’s about greed or need people can become like vultures swooping down on you period forget about doing the same at your weakest moments. Basically forcing me to walk in fear of what they can do to me.  Becoming and feeling victim like. It was because of moments like these I decided I need to do some desperate internal work.  I was feeling like I had no control over my life. I felt unsafe. I was living in fear all the time. Yet was seeking the approval from these very same people who was so willing to harm me in various ways.

I thank God that I stumbled upon a method that helped me by showing me that there is a better way of living.  By showing me how to remove negativity from my own subconscious mind.  It was so easy at first especially when I immediately felt relief right away.  No doubt I have received a lot of positive information in my life over the years but just having information was all I had. So really it was all useless to me because I did not have a clue as to how to apply all this positive information.  Especially since I was so frozen by fear, anxiety and not liking what was going on in my life, disapproving of myself and not liking me. Honesty for years I would try my very best to be the best possible Christian. But I failed.  I could not say I seriously forgave my enemies. I could not say that I loved people instead of disliking them. The pain they caused me was greater then my capacity to love them.  I had to find a way to remove all this pain I was feeling inside.  No doubt when I gave my life to Jesus as a young person, I felt free as never before.  My soul felt so clean inside and I felt renewed.  But as the years rolled by I found that I was becoming so burdened again with the going ons in life.  At work, at home and with friends and even generally with people there was always pain and sorrow.  There was so much loss in my life. I always felt like the rug was being pulled out from under me. I was either disappointed or disappointing to some, or it was either something they said or did that offended me or something I said or did to offend them. I just could not win.  All I know it was always something or another.  I noticed I started getting physically sick in my body and ailments struck up here and there, even serious health issues.  I tried so much to have peace inside but there was none.  I went from church to church looking for the answer and solution. I prayed for an answer and solution.  I was told by so many that I have to carry my cross.  That I have to suffer in this life and wait for the good ole bye and bye.

But one day I met a woman and she said these words to me “what if nothing or no one could ever bother you ever again”.  Well yeah that sounded so wonderful I thought to my self.  It sounded like peace of mind to me. I was so curious, yet afraid that I might be committing some sort of sin. LOL.  So I went right into seeking how I could get to this place in life.  So one aspect was that I would experience the feeling of love.  The love Jesus talks about. It was to start with me. I needed to love myself. But oh no I was always told to love others first. And I kind of did already love myself. But I was told in church that I was to love my neighbor as myself.  So I kind of felt guilty thinking it’s selfish to love yourself too much. I thought I was not supposed to love myself over others I thought, why that’s being plain old selfish. Well I was so desperate I was willing to find out all I could. So to make a long story short now I am capable of sending love to myself with out any guilt at all.  Yes love me and release all those bad feeling and emotions that was inside of me. Let go of all those pent up emotions and negativity. I realized and was told it all had to leave if I wanted success in my life and abundance.  So now I release daily all those pent up emotions and negativity that build up every day and send myself plenty of love and approval. I have greater clarity and I feel so much happier and love inside. And I can do it instantly. Since then I am more open to receive Gods words and to spend time with God in prayer.  It’s wonderful so wonderful!!!. I feel so much closer to God.  I found the peace I been looking for. Sometimes the love I feel is so powerful and wonderful I wonder how I lived with out it before.  I notice scriptures in the Bible about love that I had not noticed before.  I found one that said we should not disapprove of ourselves and others. So basically all people are hurting and are in pain so that’s why we all behave like we do. That’s why we behave negatively with anger, hatred, greed, lust, pride etc.  I realize that I was full of disharmony inside and trying to create harmony outside. I realize I needed to create harmony inside before I could think about creating harmony outside of myself and with others. I used to think people were responsible for how I felt, you know the blame game. I thought well if I and another person can get along with each other then I could be happy. But no, I found out that I should be happy within myself first in order to get along with another person and also that I should take care of myself in a way so that I do not let any other person’s internal conflict and unhappiness affect me in a negative way.  So how do I become happy inside?  I was told I should not give away my power by becoming negative due to my circumstances.  That I should power up.  So how do I do this powering up? I realize that I had to let go of disapproving of myself first and love myself. This information was like a major breakthrough and then I was told I had to let go of disapproving of others. People don’t realize it but we are all sending messages between us of dislike and disharmony and doing so without speaking one single word. So I found I had to meditate on the word of God and incorporate those words into practical use into my daily living.  You know walk the walk. But first in order to do this I had to love me and love others.  So I actually set aside time on a daily basis to close my eyes and open my heart and mind then give myself all the love I can possibly give and to send by radiating good vibrations of all the love I can muster and send it to everyone I know. So I am no longer reading or pouring into my mind negative things, like reading the newspaper first thing in my day, but instead reading my bible first thing and releasing first thing and meditating on Gods word first thing. I found that in the mind our absorption rate is high first thing in the day, the first two hours when we wake up are critical. So why not absorb right things first, powerful, wonderful and good things and save the news and paper for later in the day or not reading it at all if I so choose. I realize I need to be aware of what’s going on in my inner self/world before checking about what’s going on in this world.  What’s going on with my thoughts feeling and emotions? Checking myself to see where I am and how I am feeling and what I am thinking. I realize that thoughts are very powerful. They control your life and your destiny. So reading the newspaper or listening to the news and knowing about all the terror attacks, the tsunamis, the earth quakes, the gang activity, the violence in the world, the state of the economy is not as important as my need to become aware of the terror attacks, the tsunamis, the earth quakes, the violent thoughts that go on in my mind. We, everyone is responsible for the state of this world any way because we are all trying to create harmony outside with out creating harmony inside of ourselves first.

Learning to love is what I do now. Giving myself love and approval and not seeking it or no longer needing it from others is great, because now no one can pull the rug out from under my feet because I give love and approval to myself. This has brought about a pivotal change in my life for the better.  Letting go of negativity in its various forms. Its so great to get rid of fear, guilt, hurt and shame.  I am learning to quiet my noisy mind.  It feels so wonderful to have found peace right now. Not in the bye and bye but right now. So when I read the scriptures about peace I can feel this peace.  It feels great to control my thinking and to use my imagination to make life better. I know nothing can equal how wonderful heaven may be. Yes I look forward to meeting and seeing God face to face as all us Christians look forward to. But how am I living till then is the question. I was told as a Christian we should occupy ourselves.  So why not be the best I could possibly be and feel the best I could possibly feel right now as I am waiting. Why not be as happy as I could be and feel the best that I could possibly feel. It’s vitally important that I take care of me.  Oh yes and I think God approves.


I like to call my self a happy soul, a daydreamer and have a heart of a gypsy. Love to use my imagination. And trying out new things. Life can be so wonderful and enjoyable when I am being positive and releasing.
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