As a people we are working hard to keep and maintain our relationships, we are sometimes over doing things and doing what we really do not want or wish to do, we do anyway because we want our partner, family member or friend to be happy. But I have found is relationships are about having the right type of energy. It’s almost impossible to have healthy and happy relationship with out having the right thoughts.
I recall thinking that my husband was never happy no matter what I did for him and I definitely was not happy at that time either. Thank goodness I know now that our negative thinking was where the problem lies.
My self talk was this: I have made so many sacrifices for this relationship. Woe is me. How I sacrificed my own personal happiness for him. And no matter what I do he is still never happy. And I have this whole list of what I have done for him.
But I have learned that even the word sacrifice is a negative word.
I was all along adding up and calculating all the things I did for any and all of my relationships. Back then if you would ask my husband why he is not happy, he would probably tell you that he didn’t even know.
Here I was creating a whole wave of unhappy thinking. I was thinking that my husband was the cause of my unhappiness. I was thinking the same way about my family, friends, children, in laws, and neighbors. So there goes the blaming.
What I never realized is that this whole wave of thinking is traveling to him and them. The truth is that we are each receiving each others energy.
So I have found out that the reason there is so many unhealthy, unhappy relationships is because of impure thinking.
I used to think how in the heavens do I make these dog gone people happy, it seems they are never happy with anything I do or are never happy with me and then I’d be depressed and blame myself, and then start beating myself up, saying to my self there is something wrong with me and because I cannot figure out what is wrong with you (husband, child, friend, neighbor, in laws) I would go into a deeper depression and more negative energy would grow, then I would be discontented with myself, because I was in pain and of course this pain was transmitted by angry feelings directly to them. It was a vicious cycle of trying to do almost anything to make others happy. You know the old sacrificing of me.
I have found that relationships are a challenge, only because of this one aspect, thinking. Yes it’s what I am thinking, while I am so busy doing things for others.
I can act perfectly, relationships are not the things done, I can do the most wonderful things for someone or even speak perfectly, relationships are not the words I speak, and I can speak the kindest of words, sweet like honey on a honey comb.
But its all an action/behavior or words that is wrapped up and filled with negative energy, and people pick that up. People pick up if you are giving to get something in return. No matter how hard you may try to hide it from them or even from yourself.
It’s the way you do things that’s more important then what is actually done; it’s the energy that will travel with the action, the energy that will travel between people.
To have a better relationship it’s imperative that we check our thoughts.
Now I understand that
it is my thoughts that is making or breaking my relationships.
Relationship is our thoughts. It begins and ends there.
I missed the whole point, I basically was not taking care of myself the way I should have. I needed self talk. Before doing anything for anyone. Even if I take just 2 or 3 minutes to think it thru what I was doing and why I was doing it.
I needed to do that self introspect as to why I want to do something, basically going thru a little process to come up with the correct answer.
It may be that I am happy while doing, because the truth is if we do things for others, then we may not be happy but still be doing it because we also expect them to do something for us in return. And that is always wrong.
I found that doing something with no motives and no expectations is the highest form of living.
Other wise it’s like this: tit for tat: I did this for u now, you do this for me. Now if you don’t do this for me, I am upset, feeling betrayed and miserable and in pain.
Where it should be that if I agree to do something for someone I am only doing it for my self. Then that removes the one sided relationships, you know when we say it’s me who is doing everything for this relationship, it’s me who is working on this relationship.
If I choose to do something for anyone, while choosing to do it, it’s important to question myself to see why am I doing it, and if it is for myself. Until I get the right answer to this question then I do not need to do anything for anyone.
If I feel like I am doing something for someone then I should not do it, because I can never be happy doing something thinking I don’t want to do it, but I am doing it for them,
If we harbor negative thoughts of unwillingness or resentment and when we do something for the other person, we nor they will be happy.
Becoming consciously aware of your thoughts is something to strive for.
I can tell myself that I don’t have to do this thing, and most importantly I’m not doing it for them, I am doing it for my own happiness, that is the best reason to do anything for anyone.
But we are doing a lot of things saying I did this for my parents, my son, my friends, my in-laws, but this thought itself is not right.
This is the best thought process:
I did this for me, because they are important to me
And I will be happy seeing they are happy,
I am happy while I am doing for them
And you want to check that you’re not saying I will be happy when they will be happy
Because that is still conditional,
Your self talk should be that this is my choice, my decision and that
I am happy with my choice and decision. I am happy while I do it.
If not I could choose not to do this thing.
I am choosing to do it because this relationship is important to me,
I am choosing to do so because I want my husband, son, friend, in law, neighbor to be happy,
And what ever the consequences it’s my responsibility
And I am ready for the consequences of my responsibility
I am finding that thru prayer, meditation and releasing it is strengthening me, and helping me to understand my relationships so much better.
My mother and grandmother always used to say it’s not what you do but it’s how you do it. It’s not what you say but its how you say it. But I want to add it’s not what you do, or say it’s the energy that’s going forth and your thoughts before doing a thing, while doing a thing, and after doing it. Check out the positive results you get for choosing to be positive all the time. Choosing to think positively about whatever you do for others. Because if you don’t do it for your happiness, then you might as well don’t do it. And they will be fine, because they will still not be happy if you go ahead and do it just for their happiness and not for your own happiness.
So it’s important to let go of the negative thoughts that are causing your relationships to not work.