Did you see Tyler Perry’s movies, Why Did i Get Married, movie one and two. I watched only part one and I did enjoy the movie very much. But certain parts just touch your heart when you think about the reality of your own marriage.
Oh why did I get married?
Have you ever asked your self this question? Well that was my mantra. Oh why oh why did I get married? I said it over and over again. I should have remained single I’d say. I should have married someone else I’d say.
It seems like no one is really truly happy in their marriages or relationships today so I know I am not alone. Basically I believed and thought when I met my husband he would love me and take good care of me. I thought he would meet all my emotional, spiritual, physical and financial needs or at least the main ones. I knew I was pretty, sexy and smart enough so I deserved all the best life can offer. Right? I was in love when I met him and he was so romantic, he wooed me till I said “I DO.” I promised God I would be the best “Christian” wife ever. Cooking and serving him all his meals, making sure his “physical needs” were met whenever he wanted and how ever he liked, keeping the house clean and tidy, making myself pretty, smelling clean and desirable, and listening whenever he needed to talk. But it was not enough.
Today, I will be the first to tell you that being married has not been a bed of roses for me. (speaking of roses did you watch the movie “The War Of The Roses” with Kathyleen Turner and Michael Douglas, well that was a frightful reality of the degrees people can go to) and if the truth be told I was in heavenly bliss at first for it was the most amazing honey moon period in my life……. but after a while the relationship had started to go sour and everything else had quickly gone out the window as the reality of it all stepped right up in my marriage. I don’t know how we got from heavenly bliss to this undesirable place but we both wind up becoming very unhappy and dissatisfied.
At times I felt like living with my husband was like being in a living hell. I felt that he was just so complicated and it made me feel so sorry that I married him. No matter what I did it was never right or good enough for him. I finally became so depressed about my life and my marriage to the point that I started over eating. I’d found relief in over eating. Food was there to comfort me no matter what happened. So gradually over a three year period I became over weight as well. So at one point I was thinking what was the use in staying together. I was contemplating divorce again for the umpteenth time. But I would give the thought up really quick because I was told that it would not be a good witness to get a divorce as a Christian and so I was feeling stuck, because most importantly I did not want to displease my God, I believed your spouse was your spouse for life according to the Bible, so basically that’s one of the main reasons why I chose to stay in the marriage.
So we tried Christian marriage counseling and received pastoral help as much as possible from time to time, but with all this sometimes things would get better between us and then there were the times when we reverted back to the same old same old. So I feel it helped somewhat but it was not enough. I just felt there was nothing I could do to help a man who might be depressed too. I believe there were a number of other issues, like the stress he had on his job, I know that he would bring that home very often. I know I had stress too from mine and so bringing home stress from work was another issue.
One day (and I thank God every day of my life for this life changing event) I met a woman and began to confide in her about my marriage. So she asked me “What If You Could Get To A Place Where Nothing And No One Can Ever Bother You Again.” Well that sounded really good and very enticing. I wanted to know what she meant and what I had to do in order to get to that so called place. So she introduced me to a method that changed my entire life.
It’s called releasing. I started releasing right away and immediately started getting results right away. It felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of me. I realized I had been doing all of the wrong things and “I was disapproving of myself” and “not liking me” and it was a part of my daily life.
So once I started, releasing taught me to love myself again. I started liking me! Feeling love for myself was the starting point for me. I started to realize that I needed to forgive myself and be more kind to me and do nice things for myself. That alone was very empowering.
I started having more courage, where I always felt powerless and fearful. I started really seeing that God really loved me and was not a mean God who was waiting to knock you upside your head for every wrong thing you did or would do. I had gotten so much clarity with just learning to love myself that I started finding solutions and ways in which to deal with various types of people and situations in my life. I started to incorporate the releasing method into my Christian lifestyle. At first I was afraid. I thought it was wrong to do this and that I was indeed committing a sin. But gradually realized that the truth is that “God is Love” and that there was nothing wrong with learning to love myself and having the courage to let go of wrong belief systems.
So as the years went by I’ve gotten stronger and stronger and really began to love myself and once I started doing that I felt the courage for the first time to stand up for me. It was as if a light bulb went on in my head. I began to say to myself that I love me and I was not going to let anyone including my husband hurt, harm or walk all over me anymore. I started having the courage to face him and let him know if he did something to me that was unloving and inappropriate. I was taking care of me now.
Then after I took care of me initially, I started to let go of the bad feelings and dislike I harbored over the years towards my husband, legit or not. I started learning how to make myself scarce whenever he was in one of his “funky moods” that seemed to have taken over the spirit of our marriage and would and could last anywhere from one day or many days, weeks and even months and so he would be just so unbearable to be around. I was determined that I was not going to continue to live this way. I finally had to courage to decide I was to do one of two things, it was either I change my circumstances or get out of this marriage all together once and for all.
Releasing has really worked for me because it saved me and helped me deal with my marriage problems from a different perspective. I was told that it’s possible that your spouse cannot give what he does not have for himself. My husband of course was caught up in not liking himself too as everyone in the world does.
We are taught early on to disapprove of ourselves at the drop of a hat. In fact I would go as far as to say he hated himself and we both had a lot of baggage. But thank God I had come to the realization that I can change my life, that I had the power to change the negative energy that was flowing and festering between us. It was like a miracle. My learning to send myself love and approval and sending him love and approval changed the energy flow between us almost instantly; I felt the shift as the energy started to go from negative to more positive. So with that the negative behaviors between us started reducing and negativity started loosing its grip on our marriage.
So doing the method has really saved my life and my marriage. I released until I was the one with the highest power/energy in the house. I began to believe my husband was no longer in control of me. I was in control of me. I was safe and I told myself that.
Eventually little by little things started to get better between us. His moods shifted and started changing to the point it was less and less. Our disagreements and fights started not to last as long. So say instead of fighting and not speaking to each other for a month it went to a matter of a day or two. Then it went to an hour and then to a few minutes. LOL!
I kept at it and kept on sending my husband approval and love everyday. I kept on sending myself love. I started making and stating my goals regarding our relationship and it all produced results. I kept a record of the gains being made in our relationship and my dealings with him. But I had to do the work.
It took me just one of us to change the dynamics of our marriage. Now there are areas that still need improvement but there is nothing in our relationship as bad as it was from the point that I first started with releasing. I am very happy to say that our relationship has grown and improved greatly.
I now feel confident and hopeful where there was none at all. I feel stronger and at ease. I no longer chase after him wanting and pleading for him to love me the right way. Things have just been falling into place. I also get the love I need from within myself.
So that is so freeing. I don’t have to depend on him to meet all of my needs. If he does anything for me he does it because he wants to and I am no longer demanding it or needing anything or requiring his love.
And it’s all because I love myself. I give my self approval. Therefore I am no longer dependent on him or anyone to give me, what’s already inside of me.
If he one day decides to pull the rug out from under me by waking up in a bad mood and chooses not give me any attention or love whatsoever. It no longer matters to me, I am no longer needy. Love for me is at my disposal, anywhere and anytime right there within me.
So now what is so incredible is that he now has decided to give his love to me freely and I of course will take that. LOL! But if he were to decide not to give it to me, even remain a crab all day, I am still ok. LOL! I can always get it from myself where it is plentiful. I now have the power to be happy and contented regardless of his moods and actions towards me.
I am now unmoved, unshakable and unwavering when it comes to my relationships. It’s like having a bit of heaven while still here on earth. And the good news is my husband is turning to some of my materials I read and listen to. It’s helping him as well which is so nice.
I’m still learning and releasing about all areas and facets regarding my life. I am growing, changing and getting more and more of what I want out of life and less and less of what I do not want. I am on the road to reaching the point of imperturbability where nothing and no one bothers me and I am the happier for it.
I’d also say that becoming a Christian, getting closer and knowing God was the first and the best thing that ever happened to me. And then learning about releasing is the second best thing that has happened to me because not only do I have the information about God to help me, I have the releasing aspect that gives me the know how. And with the “information” (the word of God) and the “know how” (the ability to put it into action). I’d say most people would give anything to have this and know this. I believe I now have the power to be, do and have almost anything I set my mind to and that is amazing!